<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>you sure know how to make a grown man cry by pynkk</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26807401">you sure know how to make a grown man cry</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/pynkk/pseuds/pynkk'>pynkk</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ambiguous/Open Ending, Fluff, Heavy Angst, M/M, Stabbing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 12:00:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,118</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26807401</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/pynkk/pseuds/pynkk</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I think we should get married.”    </p>
<p>It’s one in the morning with a thunderstorm raging outside. It’s dark in Hinata’s and Atsumu’s apartment, the only light visible being from their large window with the curtains pulled back. The sudden question made Atsumu’s face flush as he looked towards his boyfriend who was currently staring at the ceiling. He scrunches his eyebrows and studies him for a moment.</p>
<p>Atsumu can tell Hinata is far from tired. He doesn’t look or sound tired, judging by his loud voice and wide eyes staring into nothing. Laying on his side, his arm reaches out to grab ahold of Hinata’s jaw, and he turns him so that they’re eye-to-eye, facing each other. The couple can’t help but smile sheepishly at the (nonetheless, dark) sight of each other. “Shouldn’t you be asleep, huh?” Atsumu questions slyly, almost kissing his boyfriend when Hinata’s eyes light up and he smiles like the sun that he is.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>you sure know how to make a grown man cry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I think we should get married.”    </p>
<p>It’s one in the morning with a thunderstorm raging outside. It’s dark in Hinata’s and Atsumu’s apartment, the only light visible being from their large window with the curtains pulled back. The sudden question made Atsumu’s face flush as he looked towards his boyfriend who was currently staring at the ceiling. He scrunches his eyebrows and studies him for a moment.</p>
<p>Atsumu can tell Hinata is far from tired. He doesn’t look or sound tired, judging by his loud voice and wide eyes staring into nothing. Laying on his side, his arm reaches out to grab ahold of Hinata’s jaw, and he turns him so that they’re eye-to-eye, facing each other. The couple can’t help but smile sheepishly at the (nonetheless, dark) sight of each other. “Shouldn’t you be asleep, huh?” Atsumu questions slyly, almost kissing his boyfriend when Hinata’s eyes light up and he smiles like the sun that he is.</p>
<p>“Shouldn’t <em>you</em> be asleep?”</p>
<p>Atsumu resists the urge to roll his eyes as he sits up and stares down at Hinata, who’s now staring back at him. “Yer’ killin’ me here, Shoyo.” He drags out his name teasingly which earns him a playful shove on his arm. He stays in place.</p>
<p>There’s a silence that hangs over them, but it’s not uncomfortable or tense. It’s familiar, calming, something that you don’t need to interrupt because it "feels awkward".</p>
<p>Atsumu breaks the silence (as always), but he hesitates before he speaks, “Where should we get married?” Hinata breaks out in a short giggle as his eyes widen in surprise by his question. He sits up with him so that now they’re face to face. Hinata hums for a second, glancing around their minimalist style room for a second. </p>
<p>And suddenly, Hinata looks as if he’s found out the cure for world peace.</p>
<p>“Italy!”</p>
<p>Atsumu stills for a second out of shock, face blank. A second passes by and he almost bursts out of laughter. “I-Italy?” He bites back a sly grin, but it's shown in his eyes which were very apparent to Hinata.</p>
<p>“Hey!” Hinata shouts, smacking his arm again and that’s all it takes to have Atsumu in a laughing fit. Hinata presses his lips together and smiles brightly, an immense blush coming upon his cheeks. “I’m serious!”</p>
<p>“Italy? Italy? Do ya even know any Italian?” Atsumu head tilts, his eyebrows raising as he chuckles, gazing down at Hinata as if he was his prey.</p>
<p>Hinata fumbles before catching himself, “Bonjour!” The expression on his face and confidence in his voice is what makes Atsumu break out into laughter for the second time. “H-Hey, stop laughing!” Hinata smiles and eventually ends up laughing with him. Atsumu is far gone, ending up leaning over and wheezing. And at some point between then, Atsumu had grabbed a tight hold of Hinata’s hand.</p>
<p>Atsumu stops laughing and bites his lip as he stares at his boyfriend, who was still laughing to himself in all his glory. No matter how dark the room was, Atsumu felt like Hinata could brighten it up even by his mere presence. He was convinced that Hinata had the power of a million suns. Kuroo once told him that the Earth would be -273 degrees celsius without the sun.</p>
<p>He feels like his life would be a lot colder and darker without Hinata in it. It was like Atsumu was the Earth and Hinata was his sun.</p>
<p>“You gotta wait till I propose to you, though,” Atsumu says with a cheeky smile, squeezing his boyfriend's hand. Hinata let’s out a ‘huh?!’ and stares at him like he’s grown a third eye. “But I wanted to propose to you!”</p>
<p>“Ya think I’d ever let that happen! I’m gonna propose to you the best!”</p>
<p>There’s an immediate change in the air and Hinata breaks out in the largest smile to ever come across his face. It’s playful, almost competitive, now. “Oh yeah? And what if <em>I</em> propose to you the best, huh?”</p>
<p>Atsumu stares at him with a cocky expression and scoffs. “You won’t, a matter of fact, I’ll blow yer’ mind.”</p>
<p>Hinata smiles brightly and presses a messy kiss to the corner of Atsumu’s lips. He can’t help but blush, but to hide that fact that he’s flustered, he places a kiss all over Hinata’s face. Forehead, cheeks, nose, and all. </p>
<p>“What are you, soft?” Hinata teases and Atsumu scoffs, dramatically laying back down. “I don’t know what that word means.” </p>
<p>Hinata laughs and lays back down with him, laying his head on his shoulder and taking hold of Atsumu’s hand, fiddling with his fingers. “I do wanna get married, 'Tsumu. I love you.” Atsumu bites the inside of his cheek as he stares up at the white ceiling. His heart gets overwhelmed with love and it’s as if he wants to cry tears of joy.</p>
<p>He convinces himself that he doesn’t need to, though.</p>
<p>“Till death do us part. You may now kiss the bride.” Atsumu mumbles playfully and Hinata rolls his eyes, pouting. “We’re not even getting married right now! And I don’t think you say till death do us part before you say you may now kiss the bride. And I’m a man!”</p>
<p>Atsumu lets out a laugh and smiles, running a hand through Hinata’s hair.</p>
<p>
  <em>To love and to cherish,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Till death do us part.</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>When Atsumu finds out, he doesn’t cry. Doesn’t kick and scream and throw random vases.</p>
<p>The person who tells Atsumu the news was Akaashi, since no one trusted what Atsumu would do if his brother told him instead. </p>
<p>It was late evening, about seven o'clock, when Atsumu received a call. The sun was starting to set and a re-run of some old TV show was playing on their shared television. Atsumu was laying on the couch, bored out of his mind, just waiting for his boyfriend to get home. Hinata had left an hour earlier, saying that he wanted to stop by a local convenience store to pick up some snacks so they could have a little movie night.</p>
<p>And while Atsumu was (not really) patiently waiting, he gets a phone call from Bokuto, of all people.</p>
<p>It confuses him, but it wasn’t entirely unusual for Bokuto to call whenever he pleased, so Atsumu answers.</p>
<p>“Ya?” He answers slyly, fiddling with his fingers.</p>
<p>“Atsumu-san?”</p>
<p>Now, <em>that</em> wasn’t Bokuto. Why was Akaashi talking to him?</p>
<p>His eyebrows furrow, “Akaashi? Where’s Bokuto?”</p>
<p>There's a silent, deafening pause. Atsumu strains his hearing and could hear Bokuto faintly crying in the background. Other people are talking too, but he can’t recognize their voices. Why was there rustling?</p>
<p>“<em>Akaashi</em>?”</p>
<p>“Shoyo’s dead. We… we need you to come to Kurashiki Central Hospital.”</p>
<p>“Eh?” Atsumu brain short circuits, he sits up (clumsily) and blinks harshly. “What the hell are you talking about?”</p>
<p>“Can you… we know this is hard for you but you need to-”</p>
<p>“This isn’t fucking funny!” Atsumu yells over the phone, anger and frustration building up in his chest. “You think this is a fucking joke to you? You-”</p>
<p>“This isn’t a fucking joke!” Akaashi shouts over the phone, his voice cracking. Atsumu listens as he clears his voice and speaks again, “At-... Atsumu he’s gone. We need you to come to the hospital. I’m.. I’m serious.” </p>
<p>Atsumu’s hands start to shake as he tries to wrap his head around the situation. </p>
<p>
  <em>Shoyo’s dead.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Shoyo’s dead.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Shoyo-</em>
</p>
<p>He hangs up his phone in a daze and shoves it in his back pocket. He stands there for a second, trying to control his breathing. </p>
<p>No, he’s not dead, Atsumu thinks to himself. That’s stupid, he’s not.</p>
<p>Licking his lips, he grabs his car keys aggressively and rushes out the door.</p>
<p>As he starts his car, a frightful feeling builds up in his gut and he just wants to claw at it and rip it out. He sits there for a second, hands gripping the steering wheel a little too tightly as he shuts his eyes.</p>
<p>This is just stupid.</p>
<p>Shoyo's not dead.</p>
<p>And as he drives away to the hospital, he thinks about which snacks Shoyo must have brought for the two of them. </p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>“Two stabs wounds to the abdominal area, he bled out on the way to the hospital. Your friend Bokuto had called the police since they were both on the phone together, but it was too late. My deepest condolences, sir.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What are we going to do now?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Get the fuck off of me.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I… I can’t…”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Bokuto and I are going to head out, Atsumu-san.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Shouldn’t we take him with us?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Please wake up. This isn’t fucking funny.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“God… God please, let this be a joke.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Sir…?”</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>The morning when Atsumu wakes up, after finding out his soulmate had been killed on a way to some convenience store, Atsumu feels as if he’s about to die. </p>
<p>The ever-lasting dread looms over him and his heart feels like it’s caving in on itself. He clings to his blankets, pulling them in closer to his chest as he burrows his face into his pillow. In reality, he wants to cry. Cry and sob and scream at God for allowing Atsumu to reach the lowest point of his life.</p>
<p>But for some odd reason, he just can’t cry.</p>
<p>He didn’t cry when he saw Hinata, laying on his hospital bed, lifeless and never coming back, and he didn't cry when he went to bed that night, and he isn’t crying now.</p>
<p>But God, it hurts so bad to the point where he wants to cry till the day he dies. </p>
<p>Atsumu curls more in on himself, and moans from the emotional and mental pain he’s feeling.</p>
<p>If he’s going to feel like this for the rest of his life, Atsumu thinks, he won’t wanna live at all.</p>
<hr/>
<p>It’s amazing when you realize how much something can remind you of a person. Even if that thing holds no connection or correlation whatsoever. When Atsumu opens the fridge to eat something for the first time in twenty-two hours, he ends up shutting it with more force than intended. All because he saw the gallon of milk sitting there, half empty. Hinata used to drink that milk. He used to sit at their small table with <em>cute</em> bed hair and eat <em>their</em> and then he would look up at Atsumu with such a <em>loving</em> gaze and then he’d kiss him and he…</p>
<p>And he’s never coming back. Not now. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Not fucking ever.</p>
<p>And when that fact ultimately sets in, Atsumu doesn’t handle it well. How can he? He ends up calling his mom on the verge of tears while he frantically tugs at his hair. He screams in agony at his mom over the phone before he resorts to sitting next to his couch, the couch Hinata used to sit on, and moan in pain while he pulls at his hair.</p>
<p>His mom tells him to stay put and that she’s going to come over, and Atsumu could barely hear her due to him spacing out and his rapid, unstable breathing.</p>
<p>If he’s acting like this and it’s <em>only</em> been 22 hours without Hinata, Atsumu doesn’t know how he’ll live to see another day. </p>
<hr/>
<p>His mom ends up sleeping over at his house. She cleans his kitchen to the point where it’s spotless, washes his bedsheets, and makes him some herbal tea. His mom had forced him to take a shower and rest in his bed. She sits with him as they both watch some old comedy show from ten years ago. Atsumu lays with his head in her lap and she plays with his hair, soothingly scratching his scalp.</p>
<p>“I know this is going to be hard. You might feel like you’re going to die for the next few months. But you have a <em>whole</em> support system for you, Atsumu. And you’re not alone. He… he may be gone, and it may not be easy to handle, but it will be okay. You’re delicate, that'll take time.”</p>
<p>“I’m not delicate.” Atsumu croaks out, his voice cracking as he stares hazily at the TV screen in front of him. He bites his bottom lip and ends up staring at his fingernails. His mother smiles sadly and shakes her head, “Yes, you are baby. Things are going to be okay.” The conversation ends there, and while Atsumu does feel comforted, the feeling of his heart being cut into a million pieces doesn’t go away. The everlasting feeling of dread and doom looming over him doesn’t go away. Nothing will ever fucking go away.</p>
<p>Atsumu curls more in on himself and takes in a shaky breath, and wonders for the millionth time to himself, why he can’t just fucking cry.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>“His funeral is tomorrow. Are you going to come?”</em>
</p>
<p>“What I do isn’t any of your fucking business.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“This is your boyfriend's funeral… he was stabbed, Atsumu. Don’t be selfish now.”</em>
</p>
<p>“You think I wanted this? Y… You think I ever fucking wanted to go through with this? I have to … I have to live in agony every single FUCKING day Osamu. I… I have every fucking right to…”</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>“Don’t ever fucking call me again.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>On the day of his funeral, three weeks after Hinata’s passing, Atsumu does end up going. He finally meets Hinata’s mom and little sister. Hinata’s mom ends up sobbing her eyes out for the majority of the ceremony, Natsu barely spares him a glance. </p>
<p>He doesn't blame her. </p>
<p>He isolates himself for the entirety of the funeral. Not wanting to talk let alone look at anyone, he sits at the front of the church and stares down at his shoes. Wearing such a fancy suit for just a horrid occasion feels wrong. It feels like acid on his skin but it’s not like he can just back out now while he’s already here. </p>
<p>It’s disheartening just being here, Atsumu thinks. Hearing people cry and sob through broken words, seeing how many people were affected by Hinata. Even that Kageyama guy was there, too. </p>
<p>But it’s not like they said a single word to each other anyway.</p>
<p>Sitting there, Atsumu felt like he couldn’t breathe properly. He kept on picking at his collar, biting his lip to hold in his tears that would never come out. He could’ve sworn he was about to burst into tears once Hinata’s mom came up to the stage to deliver a few words. </p>
<p>After an agonizing hour, people were getting ready to leave. No one wanted to stay in such a depressing, soul-crushing atmosphere anyway. </p>
<p>Right as Atsumu was about to head out to his car, he’s stopped by Hinata’s mom.</p>
<p>He stutters for a second, gripping the car keys in his hand as he harshly blinks. “Hi,” Is all that Atsumu can manage to say, and even so, his voice manages to crack as he blinks his tears away, refusing to cry. She takes in a deep breath and clears her throat, shoving a cardboard box into his hands. His eyes widen as he takes it.</p>
<p>“I… My Shoyo would want you to have this. I know how much he loved you, so much.” She runs a hand over the package before taking in a deep breath. “I hope we can talk soon, Atsumu.” </p>
<p>With that, she leaves.</p>
<p>With that, Atsumu feels his heart and soul shatter.</p>
<hr/>
<p>When Atsumu gets home, he opens the package haphazardly. He’s never been the type to neatly open presents, during Christmas he would always turn into a chaotic monster and ravage on wrapping paper. The memory of him and the MSBY Team during Christmas enter his mind for a minute before he pushes them away. He doesn’t want to think about next Christmas without Hinata.</p>
<p>He hesitates and takes a deep breath before he opens the flaps to finally see the contents inside. He blinks in surprise, seeing a letter on top of something which seems like a jacket. </p>
<p>He sets aside the letter and grabs the jacket from the box and unfolds it in front of him. It was soft and the color of baby blue, he was sure it would fit him, too. Smelled like lavender.</p>
<p>He sets aside the jacket next to him and picks up the letter, opening it delicately. </p>
<p>Atsumu feels like he’s about to vomit.</p>
<p>It’s a letter written by Hinata to his mother, talking about him. Atsumu Miya.</p>
<p>He stares for a second, then grips the sides of the old piece of paper and feels tears well up in his eyes. Inhaling sharply, he bites his lips and tries to look anywhere <em>but</em> the letter, but he just can’t. He can’t.</p>
<p>“I miss you…” Atsumu whispers, but his voice just sounds strained due to the tight feeling in his throat that's choking him. He shoves his head on the piece of paper and moans, taking in an agonizing breath that makes him sound like a dying deer before he bursts into tears. Before he cries for the first time since Hinata’s death. </p>
<p>He sits there on the couch, sobbing his heart out as he crumples up the letter in his hands, bringing up to his chest as he brings his head to his knees. His chest heaves and it grows tight, no thoughts being able to form in his mind. </p>
<p>It’s just sad, little pathetic Atsumu all alone in his apartment, not being able to breathe, sobbing and screaming at the top of his lungs for no one to hear.</p>
<p>Maybe one day, things will finally get better.</p>
<p>Maybe one day, Atsumu might even believe it.</p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Dear mom! </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> This letter might be a little serious. I think I’m in love  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> I’m in my twenties and I’m madly in love with a man named Atsumu Miya. I’ve known him for a few years now. I feel like I was oblivious about my crush until now. Or maybe I just developed it lately, I don’t think I’ll ever know. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> You should meet him one day, he’s so funny and charismatic. Sometimes he’ll flirt with me and I’d get flustered, sometimes I think he does it on purpose! </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> It’s hard to write into words what I feel about him. I’ll tell you about him the next time I visit you and Natsu! oh, I also got him this jacket. I don't know when do give it to him though !:( worried I'll forget too haha </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Oh! &lt;3 can you pls send me that recipe of the dinner you cooked before I left for brazil that one time? I just remembered about it today and I’m craving it now !!! </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Love you!, </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Ur fav son , SHOYO </em>
</p>
<table>
<tbody>
<tr>
<td>
<p><em>☆⌒(&gt; _ &lt;)</em></p>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>my twitter: pynkelixir</p>
<p>why. did i write this lol this is just a ball of character death, tears, and pain</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>